I didn’t ‘get’ blogging until yesterday, there it is, I said it! I feel of course that I should have embraced it more fully at this stage in module 3, I know that it’s useful because everyone in the world is doing it but it just didn’t seem like it could be my thing, I’ve done a couple but never felt invested. Whilst I move, think and talk about things as means to muddle through, clarify, sort and edit my ideas I don't like to write things down until I have a clear idea in my head of what I think and what I am going to say. I think this is because I have always though of the essay as a formal way of representing my ideas at the end of something, the thing that comes after, something final.
Hmmm…. when I dance, I am constantly doing, practicing, editing my movement, I am exploring and working with the language and the medium within which I am immersed. In a technique class there is an ongoing conversation between teacher and learner as we work with different principles and play with possibilities, there is an internal and external conversation within ourselves and with the wider world. A performance may be a formalised expression of the ideas worked with but it will be as a result of what has come before, often a development of ideas rehearsed and adapted, an expression of something and often a way to start or continue a conversation, it will be saying something to take us somewhere.
Today I’ve been thinking harder about writing as a language and tool for conversation. Thank you Adesola and Helen for the talk you gave the first year BA dance students at Middlesex University yesterday. Although it perhaps wasn't new information (or shouldn’t have been) to me, it sparked this train of thought and took me back to a place where I could reevaluate how I think about writing amongst my other dance practice. Thank you also Adesola for the blog you posted in week three, I only just read it, so I guess I am very guilty of the behaviour and patterns module 3 can sometimes lead us in to!
I’ve said it so many times before, I love reading, I love learning but I really don’t enjoy writing. I think I’m bad at it and struggle to see the 'me' within an essay when it’s ‘finished’. Writing in my reflective diary has helped a great deal with my actually getting used to writing regularly but it's only a conversation with myself not with other people, there's no reach in the conversation and it's through these connections and experiences with others that find meaning and develop. With a blog though I feel anxious putting writing out there as a thought in process and worry a lot about how people will respond or whether they will respond. I go back into my old thinking pattern of maybe that was wrong? Maybe it didn't make sense or wasn't good enough to say? Maybe I’m way too late getting the point and everyone else got this a year ago so I should just keep quiet?! Do other people feel this way too?
Until now I don’t think I’ve been looking at writing as dynamic in the way that I do with moving, thinking and talking, the writing in form of blog or essay has been the other thing that should be done instead of being woven in amongst my other modes of doing. Through the experience of practicing it, putting my ideas out there then maybe I will have a better grasp of how to get my writing to be a natural evolution of my practice and a language with which I am comfortable using to put across these thoughts and ideas. Maybe I can think about this differently, if I use blogging and responding to other peoples posts in a more connected way, to practice communicating my ideas throughout all stages of my inquiry in this way, this will potentially lead me more naturally towards the more formal critical review ‘at the end’ where these developed ideas will need to be more structured, organised and thought through.
I think what I’m really saying then is…Dear blogasphere, MAPP community, world of writing, it wasn’t you it was me! I think I might be more ready to share now so please can we try again?!
Another post to follow very shortly, I've already started writing it…
' I don't like to write things down until I have a clear idea in my head of what I think and what I am going to say'....Nail. On. Head. Exactly my problem! (problem?) is it a problem? It's very frustrating, sitting with a brain about to burst and an empty screen/sheet of paper and for a long time absolutely no tool that allows the former to meet the latter, but while we get tangled up in the maze of thoughts that we want to express, I also do think we get a little hung up on, like you say, 'the end', 'the product', and I suppose, like choreography, it's all a process, one that we're too connected to to see any sense in maybe. I guess the only way around that is to keep churning things out, keep 'moving' and 'improvising' and then evaluate, clarify, and re-evaluate. However consuming that process is for us, maybe the product is clearer than we think... this blog post as an example! So clear, to the point I can hear you saying it as if we were having conversation. Great Blog! Keep churning it out. Thanks for a great read!
ReplyDeleteP.s really like that thought of writing as language...
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